Expressing myself verbally is not at strength of mine. Place me in a situation where I need to be articulate my feelings and I'll end up blubbering, spitting out some non-sensical string of words resembling a foreign language or I just won't say anything at all. I've decided that when I get married, instead of speaking my vows to communicate my love for my husband-to-be that I'll either put together a PowerPoint point presentation with cheesy photos of our dating days; send him a thoughtful text message or break into an whimsical interpretive dance to a cliché love song of my choosing.
I’ve been undertaking some self psycho-analysis (emphasis on the psycho, less on the analysis) and I cannot quite pin down why I find this so difficult. My parents have always told me how much I am loved and encourage me incessantly – there has rarely been a moment where I haven’t felt supported by my father and mother. Rather I almost felt over encouraged – surely no one can be the most intelligent and best-looking person in the universe?
So why, when I have always been showered with praise and confidence in my abilities do I find it so hard to let others know how I feel and what I think?
Partially, I assume it is because of my belief that encouragement and praise should be deserved. I’m not really one to compliment people without restraint; rather I prefer to give accolades when I wholeheartedly believe something. Praise, when given too frequently can seem insincere and I’d prefer that the words I speak to others are perceived as truthful, not artificial. This belief leads me to be sparse with my compliments.
Also, I think I just need to work on my ability to express what I feel. Although acclamations are not strictly associated with emotion, a true compliment is given wholeheartedly without pretence; you need to be vulnerable - thus bringing closer the link between praise and feeling.
Despite my lack of ability in expressing my feelings verbally, I have no problems putting my words on paper (or a screen!). It’s easier to write things down, you don’t have to look at the person; you can plan out what you are going to say and articulate yourself effectively. There are too many variables when you are speaking to somebody and pay them a heartfelt compliment; the biggest variable with me is that I’ll cry. I even cry when I write a nice card to somebody and watch him or her read it.
My endeavour this year is to not compliment more frequently or freely, but to continue to be sincere in my encouragements and not be concerned if I become emotional. As I mentioned, the best compliments are given sincerely and if my form of sincerity involves looking like I’ve diced a kilo of onions, then I suppose that’s not such a bad thing.
I’ve been undertaking some self psycho-analysis (emphasis on the psycho, less on the analysis) and I cannot quite pin down why I find this so difficult. My parents have always told me how much I am loved and encourage me incessantly – there has rarely been a moment where I haven’t felt supported by my father and mother. Rather I almost felt over encouraged – surely no one can be the most intelligent and best-looking person in the universe?
So why, when I have always been showered with praise and confidence in my abilities do I find it so hard to let others know how I feel and what I think?
Partially, I assume it is because of my belief that encouragement and praise should be deserved. I’m not really one to compliment people without restraint; rather I prefer to give accolades when I wholeheartedly believe something. Praise, when given too frequently can seem insincere and I’d prefer that the words I speak to others are perceived as truthful, not artificial. This belief leads me to be sparse with my compliments.
Also, I think I just need to work on my ability to express what I feel. Although acclamations are not strictly associated with emotion, a true compliment is given wholeheartedly without pretence; you need to be vulnerable - thus bringing closer the link between praise and feeling.
Despite my lack of ability in expressing my feelings verbally, I have no problems putting my words on paper (or a screen!). It’s easier to write things down, you don’t have to look at the person; you can plan out what you are going to say and articulate yourself effectively. There are too many variables when you are speaking to somebody and pay them a heartfelt compliment; the biggest variable with me is that I’ll cry. I even cry when I write a nice card to somebody and watch him or her read it.
My endeavour this year is to not compliment more frequently or freely, but to continue to be sincere in my encouragements and not be concerned if I become emotional. As I mentioned, the best compliments are given sincerely and if my form of sincerity involves looking like I’ve diced a kilo of onions, then I suppose that’s not such a bad thing.
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