.time.

I like that time does not discriminate, that the hands of the clock continue to turn despite human-kinds best efforts. Time is integrous, it does not change, it is dependable and reliable. It does not bend, does not give in...it continues on its unwavering path. I resolve to be more like time and relish in it’s steadfastness. 

Yet, I plead with time to pause, rewind and fast-forward to accommodate my whims and my fancies. It is here that I do not like time, that time is arrogant, ticking away, oblivious to those constrained by its hands. 

During these periods of constraint, when I desire to hold onto time, to revert back or leap forward, I look at times integrity with contempt. How dare my life be dictated by its relentlessness. I did not choose to be bound by time, by seconds, minutes and hours.

It appears I am at odds with time. I crave its stability, yet abhor it simultaneously. With my own understanding I cannot reconcile with time, for it escapes the bounds of my comprehension. 

God is not bound by time, yet he works within time and while there is so much I do not and cannot comprehend about God, I can fathom his love for me and that he makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

    a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

    a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

    a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

    a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:2-8

.knotted mess.

It trips me out that each person has a story. A story with joy and sadness, love and loss, calm and storms. A story that has led them to where they are now, to their current level of mess. We all have mess, we’re all screwed up, we just all have different levels of screwed-up-ness and mess surrounding us.

Being screwed up isn’t wrong, it isn’t bad, it just is and we all are. 

We can look at our own screwd-up-ness and the screwed-up-ness of others and wonder how we’ll all ever get out of this mess. Or we can look at the mess with hope and know it can be made beautiful. We can embrace ourselves, with all the twists, gnarls and knots. We can let God embrace us, with all the ugliness that each of us hold, let go and learn that he loves. 

Love is redeeming, Gods love bring us out of darkness into light. Some of the twists are gone and a few of the knots are loosening, but I’m standing in a mess and still have my own special way of being screwed up. Difference is, I’m no longer fumbling around in the dark. The knots are being made beautiful, for no other reason than to glorify him, the one redeeming the mess. 

.tripper.

Maintaining balance is not what you would call one of my strengths and while I'm not a complete klutz, I am prone to the occasional topple.

One such instance occurred about 3 weeks ago. I had just been to church and had to rush off to a family picnic, on the way, I stopped at local shopping centre to drop off some items to be dry cleaned and buy some batteries. By chance, I happened to run into my flatmate in Coles on my way to get some AA's. The line to the check out was unnecessarily long and in an effort to save some time, I embarked on a mission to find my flatmate and ask him to purchase on my behalf. This mission involved a dash through the fruit and vegetable section...who would have thought that a rouge grape would come across my path, rendering me flat on my butt in front of a stack of bananas (of the human and fruit variety). Needless to say, I was blushing like a tomato. I found my flatmate, gave him the batteries and fled!

To console myself, I grabbed a take away coffee and a slice of carrot cake. I toddled off to my car, opened the door, flung my handbag onto the passenger seat and felt something slip from my hand. My precious carrot cake had tumbled to an untimely death....much like myself a few moments earlier. Amazingly, the cake had remained in tact (as I had....well, physically...not so much emotionally). I stood there for a good ten seconds trying to decide if I should pick up the cake or not....


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I'm ashamed to admit it, but I snatched it up, plonked myself behind the wheel, drank my coffee and savoured every morsel of the gravel infested carrot cake.

In addition to my physical trips, I have noticed that I have been tripping in other ways recently. There have been no special brownies, or mystical mushroom pizzas, instead, my trips have been of a moral nature. Honestly, I haven’t been living out what I profess to believe and I’ve tripped in a multitude of ways.

I was reading Luke (7:40-50) the other day and was reminded of Gods amazing grace when I came across the following passages about Jesus being anointed by the sinful woman.

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

I love how God forgives. That forgiveness is not impingent on what I do, but rather what he has done. I trip every day and I am so grateful that he catches me.

.reconcile.

Numbers are not my forte.

Give me a list of words and I’ll arrange it into a quirky line of prose. Hand me some fabric and I stitch up a dress. Supply me with ingredients and I’ll make a delicious meal. But place some numbers in front of me and I will be dumbfounded.

Oh, I have basic mathematics skills. Miraculously, I was awarded with the ‘vege’ maths award in Grade 11, but beyond addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, my arithmetic skills are lacking. I couldn’t complete a sodoku to save my life. At university, I only just scraped by in the ‘Introduction to Accounting’ unit. The combination of maths, profit and loss statements, balance sheets, depreciation, equity, blah blah blah and trying to make it all reconcile caused my head to spin.

The last two weeks, my head has been spinning more than ever. I’ve been confronted with a situation that has totally knocked me around. It has caused me to question myself, my values and who I thought I was. If you looked at my beliefs, my morals and checked them against my recent attitudes and actions, it definitely would not balance.

When you have been hurt by somebody, the automatic reaction is to hurt them back. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth (tangent: this adage makes the whole world blind and in need of a good dental plan). But Jesus had an interesting take on this saying in Matthew 5.

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

I ready Jesus’ words and am challenged. Instead of instigating revenge or spitting venomous words back at others, he instructs us to love and to pray for those persecute us.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I know that for the last few weeks that instead of loving, I have hated. I haven’t prayed for the person who has hurt me and asked God to help me love them, instead I’ve prayed that I would be vindicated.

For this, I am sorry.

Tomorrow, instead of responding in anger and hurt, I will try to respond in love. I will pray, because I realise I need Jesus to help me reconcile the gap between my beliefs and my actions. (And because my mathematical history proves that I'm no good at reconciliation!)

I want to hold your hand.

Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something

I think you´ll understand

When I say that something

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

Oh, please, say to me

You´ll let me be your man

and please, say to me

You´ll let me hold your hand

Now let me hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

Today I held hands with a guy. It was great. He is funny, intelligent, and handsome, makes me cups of tea, has a gigantic goofy grin on his face whenever he sees me and never wants me to go home. Basically, he adores me.

However, there are a few facts I have omitted from this picture.

1. While I was holding hands with this guy, we were watching Dora the Explorer and Toy Story.

2. He's three years old.

3. We are cousins.

While I was holding this little mans hand, I was deeply moved in a number of ways. I was overcome with an amazing, all encompassing sense of love that I have for this little guy and his sister. It was like I was so full of love, care and passion for them that I felt I could explode all over them. Although no less than half an hour later when it was dinner time and they weren't co-operating, I was tempted to wrench out my hair, fashion it into a rope and strap them to their seats.

My train of thought then continued.....

"Choo Choo"

What am I going to be like as a mother? I adore these kids so much and have an amazing love for them and I'm not even their mother. I'm looking forward to the day I have children and am certainly happy to wait but when that day comes I'm sure I will be more passionate about them than I ever have about anyone before. And I am a very passionate person, if you knew about my love for stationery, I think you would be slightly disturbed.

"Choo Choo"

This led me to think about how much God loves us. Our heavenly father. How passionate he is about his children. How he adores you and wants to hold your hand everyday. To walk through every season of life with you and pour out his love and blessings, in abundance. He choo, choo, chooses YOU!!!!

"Choo Choo"

Finally, being me, I couldn't help but think about the day I will hold hands with a man [Shock Horror!!! 'Isn't this supposed to be a 'G' rated blog' they screamed], not just any man, but the man God has for me, my husband. For that, I am happy to wait and until then, I will continue to watch cartoons, drink imaginary cups of tea and hold hands with that precious little man.