.yodelling.

On my 16th Birthday my Mother passed onto me a beautiful necklace and earring set that was once my grandmothers. Being the whimsical romantic I am I decided to save these precious pieces for a special occasion – my first date. Little did I know, that 6 years later the stunning 18ct gold amethyst jewellery still would not have graced my neck and ears.

Yup, I am 22 years old and have never been on a date. Sure there were some fleeting romances during my primary school years, well from a distance at least (I developed my stalking abilities early on in life). Numerous ‘crushes’ and whatnot. In grade 6 there was a boy, he gave me a pokemon card – our love was going to last!! Well it did, for about two weeks. It was bliss and I looked fondly upon our precious time together, until a mutual friend told me many years later that the only reason he liked me was because I was, lets say, one of the more ‘developed’ girls in the class and consequently those fond memories were deleted from my memory bank.

Since the aforementioned experience, I’ve shunned love, turned away. I’m not speaking metaphorically here, I’m speaking literally, and have actually done this. Upon seeing an interest I freaked out I turned around and walked in the opposite direction. That is certainly not the way to let a guy know you are interested.

I’ve always wanted to fall in love, get married and have babies, buy a house on the lake with a white picket fence, a rose garden and a Labrador to go along with it. It hasn’t happened yet, but it will one day. It might not be next week, next month, next year or in 5 or 10 yeas, but I’m ok with that, I’m content to wait. Most days, I’m happy to be single, to be free and independent and to be able to pick up and leave and go yodelling in the Swiss Alps if my heart so desires.

I’m not waiting for my Knight in Shining Armour to come and rescue me from a fate worse than death (a.k.a ‘singleness’), because I’ve already been saved from death, by death and my fate is secured because of it. I wish I could say that I believe this every day, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like some mutant because I do not have a man in my life. Human beings were created for relationship, relationship with others, but more importantly, relationship with God. Scripture tells us this in many places, however I seem to fall prey to gaining mans love rather than Gods love and as I have learnt from experience, seeking love from any source other than God leaves you broken hearted.

God is love (John 4:16). I’ve come to the conclusion that if we seek love in any form other than God then we will only be dissatisfied. Also, I’ve learnt that trying to love others in your own strength is futile, to love others the way they need to be loved, we need to do this through the strength of the creator of love. If we are not receiving love from God, who is love and demonstrated love to us (through Jesus), then how can we truly love others??

I am by no means an expert on love. I daily fall short of loving others in the way God calls me to, but if I am content knowing I am loved by God and if I love others through the love God gives me, then I can be 122, still never been on a date and feel totally loved.

Me yodel-odel-odelling in the Swiss Alps

.jaywalking.

I'd like to think I was an upstanding citizen. One who has never broken the law, committed a felony, done something illegal. If you were to glance at my life, you'd probably say I was an upstanding citizen. I know better. I'm not upstanding at all, I actually have quite an obvious lean to the left (and I'm not referring to my political stance).

There have been certain acts I have committed across my years that the law would deem illegal.

When I was about 10 or 11, I stole a packet of glass beads. Not only did I steal them, but my five finger discount was from the shop my mother was managing at the time. Who would have thought that a few years later I would hold a casual sales position at said shop?.....

I'm a jaywalker. A reckless pedestrian. I had The Beatles Abbey Road album cover as my desktop image for about two years. Obviously I didn't take John, Paul, George and Ringo's lead, because I seem to do everything in my power to avoid zebra crossings.

To add to my thievery and jaywalking;

I've fare evaded,

Run red lights,

Littered,

Sped,

Ridden a bike minus a helmet,

Downloaded music without paying,

Texted while driving,

Burnt CDs,

& more.

Yes, these may be seemingly insignificant illegal activities. I haven't stolen a car, killed a man with a trident, burnt down a house, robbed a bank or sold drugs. But the way I see it, breaking the law is breaking the law. Whether you drive with an expired licence or stab a man - it's breaking the law. Evidently the consequences of your actions are different and the ramifications of crossing the road at random intervals and random shootings are at quite different extremes.

Each law has its purpose and reasoning behind the legislation. Basically, the law is there for the protection of society, as a whole and as individuals. We cross the road at pedestrian crossings to avoid being slammed by a bus and having our innards strewn across the road. These laws protect us (the pedestrians) and those who may be driving the car (the rest of society). Our actions affect not only us, but also those around us. We may like to believe they don't, but when we ignore and disobey the laws, guidelines, rules (whatever you want to call them) that have been established for our own protection, we can't expect the outcomes to always be positive.

1 My son, do not forget my teaching,

but keep my commands in your heart,
2 for they will prolong your life many years

and bring you prosperity.

Proverbs 3:1-2

This priciple of the law protecting us, also extends to Gods word. Keeping Gods laws, Gods commandments prolongs our lives (it protects us, keeps us safe) and brings us prosperity - a life of abundance! The commandments are not there to kill our joy and stop us from having fun, but like the 'law of the land', Gods laws are there to keep us from harm and from harming others.

The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5 - 7) in which Jesus expounds the 10 commandments (Exodus 20) gives us quite a high standard to live up to, it displays the way God longs for each of us to live and the attitudes and actions he desires us to adopt towards himself and others. Nine out of Ten (well 9.9), I don't follow Gods commandments and I fall and break the law, not only hurting myself but those around me whom I love.

Unlike the law of the land, in which the result of breaking the law is punishment, God does not punish us. He gives us grace and it is because of this grace that every day, when I fall short of what God asks of me, that I can kneel at his feet and thank him that he sent Jesus so that I may be forgiven. It is because of Gods grace, that the even biggest 'law breakers', that sinners can come to him and experience a love like no other. In the eyes of God, there are not 'levels' of sin, we have all broken the law and we all need him, regardless of our past. We could jaywalk every day of our life and God would still be waiting at the other side of the street, arms open, waiting to show us grace.

.nail biter.

My name is Zara and I am a nail biter. I’ve been a nail biter for as long as I can remember. For years my Nanna has tried to help me refrain from biting my nails. Various tips and tricks. Sitting on my hands. Wearing Gloves. Chewing on Gum. Knitting. Anything to keep my hands away from the giant abyss that is my mouth.

One of the more effective tricks was ‘stop and grow’. Nail polish, which also doubles as a ‘biting deterrent’ - the polish is flavoured. To sum up the taste, it has a wretched bitter tang. The combination of a cheap and nasty coffee, sour milk, olives, lemons, vinegar and an old shoe chucked in for good measure. For about month in grade 9 I used ‘stop and grow’ to assist in combating my serial nail biting. That was until my friend stole the bottle and applied it to the end of the pens of all the ‘pen biters’ in our grade. I stopped bringing my ‘stop and grow’ to school after that incident to avoid looks of scorn in the playground. And thus, the non-nail biting came crashing down to my feet.

I remember once being told that underneath your fingernails reside more germs than in a toilet bowl. I lasted for about a week not biting my nails after hearing that fact, but couldn’t resist the germy goodness and went back to munching on my digits.

In the last six months I have been so busy I’ve stopped biting my nails. Consequently I’ve got these beautiful nails. I can now relate to the phrase ‘Oh No! I broke a nail’ and have actually used it seriously in conversation without a hint of sarcasm or mockery.

Today my nails taught me a lesson. I woke up and somehow, one of my nails had a crack and was on its way to breaking. And, much to my embarrassment, I prayed that my nail would not break. This seemingly insignificant and innocuous few words have completely rocked my world. A prayer for a fingernail, A FINGERNAIL!

If my biggest worry is praying for a slither of keratin, then I seriously need to get my priorities straight. My prayer life should revolve around Jesus, how he wants to transform me and use me so others can know of his love. My prayer life should not be focused on my fingernail, but the nails that were driven into his hands so I can be cleansed, purified, loved and have eternal life.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

.my ideal life.

Imagine your ideal life, the perfect circumstances, the ultimate scenario. If I could create my ideal life, I imagine the typical day would flow a little like this….

I’d wake up next to my husband, who resembled a movie star, a Rock Hudson, Cary Grant type. He’d be the owner/operator of an architectural company and we’d be residing in our dream home, built on the Amalfi Coast. He’d worship the ground I walk on, throwing rose petals at my feet as I walked into the kitchen for breakfast.

Our maid, Alice (who’s dating the butcher) would have made me my favourite breakfast – bacon, bacon, bacon. Our 2.3 children would be sitting at the table reading Hemingway and Dickens and breakfast conversation would be carried out in French, as we’d all be well versed in several languages. The children would scamper off to school in their gold-trimmed uniforms, hand-in-hand singing sweetly…they never fight you see, not one harsh word has ever passed between them.

I would get ready to go to work, slip into my favourite Chanel suit, not worrying about the 3 kilograms of bacon I consumed earlier, because no matter what I eat, my waistline remains a petite size 10. Work would only be a short stroll away, as all I’d be doing is taking my laptop to the local café to write, write, write. I’d be working on my newest novel “Contentment – how to have it ALL and more”. All day long I’d sip on lattes and eat pastries, once again unconcerned about my waist due to my super human metabolism.

At lunch my nearest and dearest friends would pop into the café and we’d sit and laugh and converse about our ridiculously good looking husbands who we never argue with, our delightful, impeccably behaved children and how we wouldn’t change anything about the way we look, because we are 100% happy with our appearance. I’d arrive home and cook my family dinner, made from organic whole foods, we never get sick, ever, but my family only has the best.

We’d dine together, relishing in each others company, recounting entertaining stories from our day. The dishes would be magically whisked away and we’d retire to the lounge to view the latest episode of our favourite family sitcom. After such a tiresome day, I’d kiss my dashing husband good night, he’d tell me how much he loves and adores me, I’d lay my head on the pillow and…..

still feel discontent.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:12-13

And now I have it all—and keep getting more! The gifts you sent with Epaphroditus were more than enough, like a sweet-smelling sacrifice roasting on the altar, filling the air with fragrance, pleasing God no end. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity.

Philippians 4:18-19

.the snooze button.

Every morning I have the same battle with the snooze button. I set my alarm for 7am and have the snooze scheduled to alarm at five minute intervals. The wake up tone isn't some soothing melody to gently rouse me out of bed - its a grating, ear bleeding raucous that makes nails scraping down a chalkboard sound like Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Still, this heinous noise isn't enough to get me up in the morning.

I've tried numerous methods, however none seem to be successful. Once, I was house sitting and was lucky enough to be living by myself. The unit had two levels, with the bedroom on the top level. I set my alarm up downstairs so I had to get up and traverse down the staircase to shut off the alarm. Nevertheless after I turned it off, I climbed back up to my bed and returned to sweet, sweet slumber. Currently, my IPOD is set up to kick off at 7am and even my favourite tunes are not enough to snap me out of dreamland.

Love it or hate it, the snooze button is a powerful tool. In the right hands it provides the opportunity for a few more moments of precious sleep, in the wrong hands it can lead to sleeping in and forgetting an important morning ritual, such as putting on underwear or brushing away that odious morning breath. Either way, the snooze button is much more significant than many of us probably realise.

I can't help but wonder if my constant warfare with the snooze button is a reflection of a larger issue in my life. How much am I snoozing through life? What time am I wasting when I could be achieving so much more?

How can I snooze when there is so much injustice in the world? Brokenness, pain, hatred, malice, greed, envy, jealousy. In a world where children are abused, women are devalued and men are ostracised - how can I keep nodding off to sleep?

God doesn't want me to sleep through life, to waste the precious time he has blessed me with on this earth. As a follower of Christ I am called to feed the hungry, give to the needy, to care for the orphans and widows, pray for my enemies and love what is good, pure and holy.

I am called not to snooze through my days on this earth, but to live each moment fully alive, to live in the fullness that comes through an intimate relationship with Christ. This intimacy can only evolve from spending time with God, through prayer, reading the Bible and fellowship with other Christians. Though sacrificing what my flesh desires, no longer hitting the snooze button and taking that extra time each morning to spend with God, rather than clinging onto those seemingly important extra five minutes of sleep. It is only through investing this time into a relationship with God that we can have the strength, determination and vision to help God bring wholeness to a world that cries out in pain.

So I say down with the snooze button. Let our days not be determined by complacency, saying its okay to sleep our days away. Rather, let our days be determined by the one who created time, who each morning makes the sun rise and each night, the sun set.

.crazy cat lady.

Tonight one of my best friends got engaged. He is the third person I know to get engaged in the last three weeks. My other best friend tied the knot just over a year ago. Three of my previous flatmates are now either married or engaged. And about half a dozen of my comrades, my chums, my buddies are now in serious relationships, engagements pending.

It’s not that I am not excited for my friends who are entering into wedded bliss, holy matrimony, wedlock, kinship. Quite the contrary, I am exceptionally pleased for them, over the moon, just bursting with joy and I mean that literally without a hint of sarcasm – I’m serious.

However, despite my happiness for these friends of mine, I cannot help but come to one conclusion about my future. I am destined to become a crazy cat lady. A spinster that shares her one bedroom apartment with one hundred and thirteen cats. Cats of various breeds, including Abyssinians, the California Spangled Cat, the Norwegian Forest Cat, the Selkirk Rex, a Tonkinese and perhaps even a Ukrainian Levkoy to complete my cat clan.

My apartment will be full of scratching posts and porcelain figurines of cats, I will have a kitty litter sandpit. My precious little ones will only ever drink Evian and eat homemade, organic, low GI food. I will regularly play the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ boardgame with only my most intelligent cats (although all of them have their own endearing, special qualities) and will wear my crazy cat lady necklace only on the grandest of occasions. Heck! I might even join the crazy cat lady society and buy a crazy cat lady action figure.

I’m lucky that my recently acquired flatmates don’t like cats and won’t let me get one. Adopting a cat would certainly be the first step on a downward spiral staircase.

Obviously I don’t really believe that I am destined to become the neighbour hood crazy cat lady. But with the amount of relationships that are transpiring around me it does make me think about dating, courtship, engagement, marriage, etc.

Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship _freaks_me_out_. Twelve months ago it would have been the exact opposite, I would have jumped at the chance to go on a date. But now it’s a different story, the idea of it makes me want to run for the hills. It’s not that I don’t want to get married, have 2.3 children, a house with a white picket fence and a golden retriever. I just don’t want that to happen as soon as I originally thought.

A few years ago I was like “yeah, ill get married by the time I’m 22, pop out a few kids before I’m 30, then work on my career, retire and become a grey nomad travelling the country with my husband”. Now my 22nd birthday is just around the corner and I’m not married and it doesn’t look like it’ll be happening in the near future. And surprisingly, I am 100% okay with that. I’m enjoying being single.

There’s so much you can do when you are single, it certainly has its benefits. Once you are married, you are mah-reeeeeed. It’s for life! You will never be single again. There’s less responsibility when you are single, you can spend your paycheck on whatever you desire, steal all of the blankets and pick your nose without anyone complaining! I am definitely enjoying many of the aspects of single life. Marriage is certainly in the future and while I look forward to it, there are so many other things to look forward to and I don’t want to miss those because I am too focused on getting into a relationship.

So as I approach ‘wedding season’ I will be keeping far far away from any RSPCAs or Pet Stores. I am sure that one day my compulsion to adopt cats will eventually subside when I am ready to get into a relationship and God sets it all up. That’s what I love about my friends who are recently engaged or married - God was (and is) the centre of their relationships and their relationships were God ordained, God appointed. Until this happens for me, I am perfectly content living the single lifestyle, cats or no cats.

.one of those faces.

Apparently I have 'one of those faces'.

Pffffffft.

I don't understand what that is supposed to mean. I’ve had a few people say to me that they have met someone who looks like and reminds them of me. Numerous others have said that I look like someone, but they can’t quite put their finger on who that someone is. To assist myself in coming to a conclusion on the definition of this ‘one of those faces’ statement, I have formulated a few hypothesises.

Hypothesis # 1: I am a You Tube celebrity. One of my flatmates posted a video of me on the sly dancing around my room in my most derelict pj's singing 'Respect' by Aretha Franklin into my hairbrush. I am yet to be informed.

Hypothesis # 2: I am the subject of a reality TV show...not dissimilar to the movie the 'Truman Show' with Jim Carey. I live in a manufactured world, all my friends are actors and are paid to hang out with me (I am sure my parents have seriously done this at some point) and I am completely oblivious to the fact.

Hypothesis # 3: My past is catching up to me and I've recently featured on an episode of Australia's most wanted.

Hypothesis # 4: A scientist decided that I'm just amazingly fabulous, stole a sample of my DNA and has cloned me. Hence, there are a number of Zarettes positioned around the globe.

Yes, I realise that none of these hypothesises could possibly be true, except for hypothesis #1 - its only a matter of time before I get sprung. But for serious, why do I often get people saying that I have ‘one of those faces’??

All my life I’ve tried to stand out and not be a carbon copy of another. Nevertheless, I recognise that this attempt to stand out has been an epic fail on my behalf. My desire to stand out from the crowd has involved me copying others who ‘stood out’. As a result I have become the one thing I have never wanted to be - a replica, an imitation, a pair of Gucci sunglasses retailing for $2.99 at a stall in Bali.

The last few years and namely the last few months have been a period in my existence where I have been genuinely discovering who I am. My likes and dislikes, my strengths and weaknesses, what makes me laugh and cry, where I fit into the world and the part I was born to live out. These discoveries have only become clear to me as I draw closer to the heart of God and he reveals more and more of his heart and my heart to me.

Despite the fact that I am gradually becoming increasingly secure in my identity, understanding the various facets of my personality and valuing my own uniqueness, I had an interesting reaction to these comments that friends of mine have met a person that reminds me of them. I felt as if my identity was being challenged. I wanted to know who this person was! I wanted to see what they looked like, their mannerisms, what they spoke about, etc. I wanted to compare myself to…well….myself. To see if this person who resembles me is actually anything like the reflection I see in the mirror.

I’m quite fond of the following statement:

“Always remember, that you are an individual – just like everybody else”

It makes me laugh. Not one of those laughs that you hold in and once you reach a point where you can’t contain it anymore you explode - making a noise resembling that of an elephant with bronchitis trumpeting. Not even a knee-slapper or snort-inducing laugh. More like one of those ironic laughs where you have that moment of realisation “Yeah…that’s true…ha”.

We are all individuals; there isn’t anybody else on this planet that has been created like you. You are not a counterfeit, duplication or a hologram. Until we embrace this and truly comprehend it, I think it is in actuality quite difficult to recognise and establish our identity and walk into the purposes God has planned for each of us. Our purpose is inextricably linked to our identity; we were created to live out God’s will for our lives. How can Gods will be fulfilled if we are not the people he created us to be?

So I might have ‘one of those faces’, but God knows my face and even more than that – he knows my identity, in him is my identity and through him this ‘face’ is going to bring him glory.

“We have not come into the world to be numbered; we have been created for a purpose; for great things: to love and be loved.” ~ Mother Teresa