.crazy cat lady.

Tonight one of my best friends got engaged. He is the third person I know to get engaged in the last three weeks. My other best friend tied the knot just over a year ago. Three of my previous flatmates are now either married or engaged. And about half a dozen of my comrades, my chums, my buddies are now in serious relationships, engagements pending.

It’s not that I am not excited for my friends who are entering into wedded bliss, holy matrimony, wedlock, kinship. Quite the contrary, I am exceptionally pleased for them, over the moon, just bursting with joy and I mean that literally without a hint of sarcasm – I’m serious.

However, despite my happiness for these friends of mine, I cannot help but come to one conclusion about my future. I am destined to become a crazy cat lady. A spinster that shares her one bedroom apartment with one hundred and thirteen cats. Cats of various breeds, including Abyssinians, the California Spangled Cat, the Norwegian Forest Cat, the Selkirk Rex, a Tonkinese and perhaps even a Ukrainian Levkoy to complete my cat clan.

My apartment will be full of scratching posts and porcelain figurines of cats, I will have a kitty litter sandpit. My precious little ones will only ever drink Evian and eat homemade, organic, low GI food. I will regularly play the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ boardgame with only my most intelligent cats (although all of them have their own endearing, special qualities) and will wear my crazy cat lady necklace only on the grandest of occasions. Heck! I might even join the crazy cat lady society and buy a crazy cat lady action figure.

I’m lucky that my recently acquired flatmates don’t like cats and won’t let me get one. Adopting a cat would certainly be the first step on a downward spiral staircase.

Obviously I don’t really believe that I am destined to become the neighbour hood crazy cat lady. But with the amount of relationships that are transpiring around me it does make me think about dating, courtship, engagement, marriage, etc.

Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship _freaks_me_out_. Twelve months ago it would have been the exact opposite, I would have jumped at the chance to go on a date. But now it’s a different story, the idea of it makes me want to run for the hills. It’s not that I don’t want to get married, have 2.3 children, a house with a white picket fence and a golden retriever. I just don’t want that to happen as soon as I originally thought.

A few years ago I was like “yeah, ill get married by the time I’m 22, pop out a few kids before I’m 30, then work on my career, retire and become a grey nomad travelling the country with my husband”. Now my 22nd birthday is just around the corner and I’m not married and it doesn’t look like it’ll be happening in the near future. And surprisingly, I am 100% okay with that. I’m enjoying being single.

There’s so much you can do when you are single, it certainly has its benefits. Once you are married, you are mah-reeeeeed. It’s for life! You will never be single again. There’s less responsibility when you are single, you can spend your paycheck on whatever you desire, steal all of the blankets and pick your nose without anyone complaining! I am definitely enjoying many of the aspects of single life. Marriage is certainly in the future and while I look forward to it, there are so many other things to look forward to and I don’t want to miss those because I am too focused on getting into a relationship.

So as I approach ‘wedding season’ I will be keeping far far away from any RSPCAs or Pet Stores. I am sure that one day my compulsion to adopt cats will eventually subside when I am ready to get into a relationship and God sets it all up. That’s what I love about my friends who are recently engaged or married - God was (and is) the centre of their relationships and their relationships were God ordained, God appointed. Until this happens for me, I am perfectly content living the single lifestyle, cats or no cats.

.one of those faces.

Apparently I have 'one of those faces'.

Pffffffft.

I don't understand what that is supposed to mean. I’ve had a few people say to me that they have met someone who looks like and reminds them of me. Numerous others have said that I look like someone, but they can’t quite put their finger on who that someone is. To assist myself in coming to a conclusion on the definition of this ‘one of those faces’ statement, I have formulated a few hypothesises.

Hypothesis # 1: I am a You Tube celebrity. One of my flatmates posted a video of me on the sly dancing around my room in my most derelict pj's singing 'Respect' by Aretha Franklin into my hairbrush. I am yet to be informed.

Hypothesis # 2: I am the subject of a reality TV show...not dissimilar to the movie the 'Truman Show' with Jim Carey. I live in a manufactured world, all my friends are actors and are paid to hang out with me (I am sure my parents have seriously done this at some point) and I am completely oblivious to the fact.

Hypothesis # 3: My past is catching up to me and I've recently featured on an episode of Australia's most wanted.

Hypothesis # 4: A scientist decided that I'm just amazingly fabulous, stole a sample of my DNA and has cloned me. Hence, there are a number of Zarettes positioned around the globe.

Yes, I realise that none of these hypothesises could possibly be true, except for hypothesis #1 - its only a matter of time before I get sprung. But for serious, why do I often get people saying that I have ‘one of those faces’??

All my life I’ve tried to stand out and not be a carbon copy of another. Nevertheless, I recognise that this attempt to stand out has been an epic fail on my behalf. My desire to stand out from the crowd has involved me copying others who ‘stood out’. As a result I have become the one thing I have never wanted to be - a replica, an imitation, a pair of Gucci sunglasses retailing for $2.99 at a stall in Bali.

The last few years and namely the last few months have been a period in my existence where I have been genuinely discovering who I am. My likes and dislikes, my strengths and weaknesses, what makes me laugh and cry, where I fit into the world and the part I was born to live out. These discoveries have only become clear to me as I draw closer to the heart of God and he reveals more and more of his heart and my heart to me.

Despite the fact that I am gradually becoming increasingly secure in my identity, understanding the various facets of my personality and valuing my own uniqueness, I had an interesting reaction to these comments that friends of mine have met a person that reminds me of them. I felt as if my identity was being challenged. I wanted to know who this person was! I wanted to see what they looked like, their mannerisms, what they spoke about, etc. I wanted to compare myself to…well….myself. To see if this person who resembles me is actually anything like the reflection I see in the mirror.

I’m quite fond of the following statement:

“Always remember, that you are an individual – just like everybody else”

It makes me laugh. Not one of those laughs that you hold in and once you reach a point where you can’t contain it anymore you explode - making a noise resembling that of an elephant with bronchitis trumpeting. Not even a knee-slapper or snort-inducing laugh. More like one of those ironic laughs where you have that moment of realisation “Yeah…that’s true…ha”.

We are all individuals; there isn’t anybody else on this planet that has been created like you. You are not a counterfeit, duplication or a hologram. Until we embrace this and truly comprehend it, I think it is in actuality quite difficult to recognise and establish our identity and walk into the purposes God has planned for each of us. Our purpose is inextricably linked to our identity; we were created to live out God’s will for our lives. How can Gods will be fulfilled if we are not the people he created us to be?

So I might have ‘one of those faces’, but God knows my face and even more than that – he knows my identity, in him is my identity and through him this ‘face’ is going to bring him glory.

“We have not come into the world to be numbered; we have been created for a purpose; for great things: to love and be loved.” ~ Mother Teresa

Diamonds: a girls best friend?

"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,

but diamonds are a girl's best friend.

A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental

on your humble flat, or help you at the automat.

Men grow cold as girls grow old

and we all lose our charms in the end.

But square-cut or pear-shaped

these rocks don't lose their shape

Diamonds are a girl's best friend"

As Ms Marilyn Monroe sang in the 1953 film, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - "Diamonds are a girls best friend"....

There may be some element of truth behind this statement. A diamond will never stand you up, talk back, tell you your butt looks big in your new outfit, leave the toilet seat up, forget to scrape the dishes or spend the entire weekend watching the football. It won't forget your anniversary, neglect to notice a recent haircut, make disparaging comments about your mother, steal the blankets or turn on the cold water tap while you are in the shower.

I seem to be reaching the age where my friends are starting to get engaged. It's a very exciting season....I think a lot of this excitement has to do with my 'inner romantic'. And while I'm not expecting to get engaged in the immediate future, I do look forward to it. I would like a diamond engagement ring. I don't want one that would involve my fiancee declaring bankruptcy or that has the ability to sink a small ship, but as a sucker for all things pretty and one who is somewhat traditional, it would be a beautiful gift.

Thinking about diamonds really made me wonder...what is all the hullabaloo about anyway? Yes, they are striking (and oh-so preciousssssss), but really aren't more than a glorified chunk of rock. An item is really only worth what somebody is willing to pay for it. What are you willing to pay for a diamond? Traditionally, the idea is that a bloke is to spend two months salary on an engagement ring. Now, depending on a persons occupation, this figure could range from $0.00 to the millions.

While diamonds are having a positive impact on the economies from which they are sourced (particularly countries such as Africa), they can also be used to fund conflict. You may have heard of the term 'conflict' or 'blood' diamond. The United Nations defines conflict diamonds "as diamonds that originate from areas controlled by forces or factions opposed to legitimate and internationally recognized governments, and are used to fund military action in opposition to those governments, or in contravention of the decisions of the Security Council." So basically, some people are exploiting the diamond industry, using the money generated to fund rebellion/s, with innocent people being injured or killed in the process.

Thankfully, the number of conflict diamonds has been reduced to 1% of all diamond in recent years. However, I am still perplexed that people have had to die for, like I said, 'glorified rocks'. Another thing to add to my list of things that 'Zara finds frustrating-perplexing-infuriating-overwhelming & inhumane about the world'. [check out http://diamondfacts.org/ if you want to read more about conflict diamonds and your part in helping].

I do like the thought that an item is only worth as much as you are willing to pay for it. Everything and everyone has their 'price'. We can all be bought off. Whether it be money, fame or power, sooner or later, most people succumb.What do you value in this world? What are you willing to pay for? Is there anything that is priceless to you?

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,

your justice like the great deep.

O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!

Both high and low among men find

refuge in the shadow of your wings.

PSALM 36:5-7

Fool

This year I found myself at the brunt of an April Fools Joke. I would like to think that with my quick wit, extreme intelligence and super powers (I'm invisible, but only when others are not around) that I wouldn't fall victim to such a hoax. But alas! this was not the case and I was left feeling foolish. Often I am left feeling like a fool. It seems to be happening increasingly frequently too.

Fool [ fool ]
noun (plural fools)
Definition:
1. unintelligent person: somebody considered to lack good sense or judgment. Only a fool would invest in this scheme.
2. ridiculous person: somebody considered to be or made to appear ridiculous. I feel like such a fool dressed this way.
3. food, creamy fruit dessert: a cold dessert made from puréed fruit mixed with cream or custard.
4. court entertainer: formerly, somebody employed to amuse a monarch or noble, usually by telling jokes, singing comical songs, or performing tricks.
5. enthusiast: somebody who is talented at, interested in, or fond of a particular thing. a dancing fool.
6. offensive term: an offensive term for somebody with below-average intelligence or a psychiatric disorder ( archaic ).

Often I lack good sense or judgement. Some of my fashion choices across the years certainly testify to this. Double denim, tye dye, masseurs, hanson t-shirts, bike pants, coordinating tracksuit sets and the like attest to my shortage of judgement.

I'm also quite sure that I've been seen as ridiculous at some point. Those close to me would confirm my sense of humour has a certain element of ridiculousness to it. I'm also prone to dressing up in embarrassing costumes and pulling silly faces, further compounding my foolishness.

Never been a creamy fruit dessert. Not really a flan.

Can't say that I've been employed to amuse a monarch or a noble, but I'd consider some of my friends to be pretty royal and I have a theory that they only keep me around to amuse them. Sometimes they ask me to dress in tights, wear this funny hat and pointy shoes with bells, so that I jingle whenever I walk around.....is that normal?

I am fool for many things. All things pretty, puns, post it notes, geeks, anything purple, movie quotes, flowers, op-shops, organisation, sleep ins, ginger beer and more....

Being called a fool or foolish doesn't rate at the top of my list...I was especially dumbfounded at the fact that I fell prey to an April Fools Joke on the day I really should have been weary of such things. My reaction to this event made me question why I didn't like being called a 'fool' and I came to a conclusion I often come to: pride.

We humans don't like to be seen as foolish, ridiculous, insignificant. However, when I look back at my life, its obvious that I was and am all of these things. Compared to the worlds standards there is so much about me that is foolishness, but God is taking that foolishness and moulding it into something more. What that 'more' is I am yet to know, but I do know that God is going to take this hanson t-shirt wearing, lame joke telling flan of all things pretty nobody and use her in amazing ways, to display his love, grace and unyielding mercy.

Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God." 1 Corinthians 1:26-30 (The Message)

A foolish moment.

dictionary definition taken from: http://encarta.msn.com/

Narcissism.

Mirror, mirror on the wall....who's the fairest one of all???

Much to my disgust I want the mirror to reply "YOU! You Zara are the fairest maiden in all the land, famed is your beauty and none shall surpass it" ... I spend too much time looking at my reflection. Spoons, rear vision mirrors, shop windows, peoples sunglasses, water in toilet bowls...if it will display my mug I'll be looking. And while it is unlikely I will be punished to falling in love with my own reflection like Narcissus in Greek Mythology or be inspired to become a model after catching my reflection in a spoon, narcissism is certainly not a healthy characteristic to have.

According to wikipedia narcissism describes the trait of excessive self-love based on self-image or ego. My penchant for gazing at my reflection is not so much on the 'excessive self-love' side of things, but rather the fact that I have to keep rechecking that, yes, what once was one eyebrow is now two.

Generation Y (those born circa 1979 to 1990, depending on what source you believe) is viewed as synonymous with narcissism. I recently saw a comment that stated 'Gen Y make me sick' on a link a friend posted on facebook to an article on an aspect of narcissism. This made me think, well...about.....me and how I fill the typical 'Gen Y' profile...

I found the following statement in an article titled the 'A - Z of Generation Y' on the Herald Sun website... (click here to read the whole article)

"THEY'RE hip, smart-talking, brash and sometimes seem to suffer from an overdose of self esteem. And if there's a generalisation to be made about young Generation Y people, it's that they don't like waiting...they are ambitious, demanding and apparently born to rule. Right now!.....They are generally socially aware, and tolerant and accepting of cultural differences.....They are the most technology-fluent, multi-tasking, adaptable and team-oriented group in history.....They either want their work to "make a difference" or feel work "makes no difference" at all"

Yes, Generation Y may be a group of narcissistic, over zealous, self indulgent, consumeristic, impatient twits (or twitters) glued to their laptops with their ipod in one ear and bluetooth in the other. But they are also pioneers in terms of social justice, bridging the gap between cultures, genders and social standings, striving to make the world a better place (even if it is just to make the world a better place for themselves!).

Like any generation, Generation Y has its positives and negatives. I certainly fit some characteristics of stereotypical Gen Y profile....and other ones I do not. However, I am completely aware of my lack of self-awareness and probably do fulfil more the characteristics than I like to believe. Either way, I get defensive when society criticises Gen Y...isn't it society itself which shapes and moulds the generations in the first instance?

How does God fit into this???? Narcissism does not parallel at all with the life Jesus calls us to live....living humbly and serving others without intention of personal gain or recognition. Philippians 2:14-16 in the Message translation of the Bible states:

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.

The New International version puts it like this....

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life— in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labour for nothing.

A crooked and depraved generation...a squalid and polluted society....pretty accurate description if you ask me. Whether it be Gen Y, Gen X, the Baby Boomers or any other generation before that...each generation is and has been crooked and depraved, searching for God amongst all of the junk, the rubble that we create. Jesus came and brought life and freedom.

So while I might be a Gen Y'r in theory (and to some extent, in practice)....the generation I really desire to belong to is God's. A generation which lives a life of freedom, walking in grace, overflowing with mercy, serving without attitude or expectation, living uncorrupted amongst the corruption and shining like stars in the universe.

Clothes.

Over the last three years (while I've been at uni), many of my clothes have been from the op-shop. Surprisingly, I would regularly get compliments on my op gear. Nevertheless, I've found that some of my friends have an aversion to op-shop clothes, often due to the fact that a person who is now dead, may have once worn them. Others are bothered by the 'old folk' smell. Neither of these reasons have deterred me from frequenting the local salvos, vinnies or lifeline. A good wash and the item would be rid of any hint of old spice or lily of the valley.

I have found however, that since working full time and having double my previous income that I am making purchases at more 'illustrious' shops. It ain't Chanel, Gucci or Dior, but its a bit 'better' than my regular moth-ball get up. Having this disposable income has made me aware not only of my consumeristic tendencies, but also the emphasis we put on the clothing that we wear.

This emphasis on clothing isn't just limited to females. There seems to be an ever increasing number of males who are becoming fashionistas. Yes, a guy should look presentable, not wear stripes with plaids or in my opinion any shade of pink, but when a fellow spends more time in the bathroom than you do, has a better skin care regime and is prettier than you - the line should be drawn.

Truth be told, we tend to express our individualism through our clothing. There is this group of high school kids who catch the same bus as me in the morning and I always find it really interesting to see the outfits they choose everyday. It reminds me of a time in my life when I was unsure of my identity and would switch 'styles' quite frequently, over compensating with what I was wearing to disguise my insecurities.

Now, I find that I have a clothing 'style' that I am comfortable with, that expresses my personality. But what if my clothes were taken away and I was left wearing potato sacks? It would probably have a big impact on how I feel about myself, how I think others see me. As a Christian, this shouldn't really be an issue. I should be confident and secure in who I am because of who God has made me, not because of the clothes on my back.

""No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:24-26

Phases.

I shared briefly at church today, this is the blog edit.

Across my life I have been through a number of phases. Some of the more interesting ones include:

"Self Hair Cut" phase. Resulted in a 'mini' fringe in the middle of my forehead. My mum happened to have some portraits lined up at this time, so the photos on the mantel piece are a reminder of my foray into hairdressing. I also ended up with sideburns one time, I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

"Punk" phase. Involved a lot a black hair dye, studs, safety pins, badges and teenage angst.

"Hippie" phase. Comprised mainly of tye dye and a lack of razors.

"Nerd" phase. Was mostly spending my time studying. Any other spare time was contributed to creating conversation cards to combat socially awkward moments. Some would argue that I am still in this phase.

But there has also been some other phases which haven't been so interesting...times filled with fear, self-loathing, doubt and a stack of what seemed to be ever increasing insecurities.

As The Beatles would say, or sing, it's been a long and winding road, but thankfully its been the road to Gods door. Or the road God has led me along so I would open my door, my heart to him. Ever since I decided to open the door, God has been teaching me to be me. It's a continuous journey to be me, the woman God has created and is forever moulding into his image.

Most of us would be familiar with Psalm 149, verse 14 states the following:

I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made,

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Do we really see ourselves as wonderful? and even more so, do we praise God for this? For all of the aspects he has knit into us? Likes, dislikes, abilities, skills, characteristics even our appearance? What about all those little idiosyncrasies that make you, you?

Like the fact that I loathe sultanas and like to let my toast go cold before I eat it, yet I love raisin toast, hot straight from the toaster....go figure...

I think all we can do to know who we are, to be me, to be you - is to look straight into the eyes of Jesus. To lay our own lives down. Because to lose your life for Jesus sake is to really find it. So I guess that's the best thing we can do to be who we were created to be.