.marbles.

Everybody hates losing things.

I've lost plenty of things during my time. $20 on the back seat of a taxi I neglected to put back in my wallet. Grocery items I swear I paid for at the supermarket, but that never made it into my pantry. CD's & DVDs, socks and on various occasions I suspect I've lost my marbles.

Yep, I've lost things.

In high school my best friend gave me a pair of black hightop converse sneakers for my 16th birthday. I loved them. I even purchased a mega cool pair of shoelaces covered in stars all colours of the rainbow to add to their awesomeness. The following summer, my brother was going to a music festival & his friend came from another state. She didn't bring shoes or socks (granted, I did live on the Gold Coast at that time, so thongs sufficed nine times our of ten - but who, knowing they are going to a music festival, doesn't bring a pair of closed in shoes?!). So I lent them to her.

Lets just say that somewhere in the returning to me process, that my beloved chucks went missing. It wasn't the direct fault of said girl, or my brother...but somewhere along the line they went AWOL. I was devastated & took every opportunity when the family was seated at the dinner table to bring up the aforementioned transgression. Has my life been tragically altered because of this lost pair of sneakers? No! Perhaps my street cred dwindled, but I'm no less of a person because of it. Truth be told, they were a size too small for me anyway and made me wince ever step I took, because my feet were so crammed in.

Today, I lost a precious piece of jewellery. An amazingly beautiful gold crucifix studded with pearls that was my great grandmothers. It has a lot of sentimental value. I hope its in the women's bathroom at work, or lodged down my top (I was on the tram as I wrote this and decided frisking myself in public wasn't the brightest idea), or floating around in the masses of paperwork on my desk which I neglected to tidy up before knocking off.

I almost cried when I realised I'd lost it (& I've already cried in public this week, in a pub of all places...so for the sake of my own dignity & the ugly crying noises my fellow commuters would be exposed to, I sucked it up). But crying won't bring my necklace back.

I text my friend from work to see if she recalled me wearing it, sadly, she can't remember. But in her reply she said "I'm sure it will pop up again, because you're such a good person", which is a really lovely thing to say. However, I'm not sure if I believe this. I know that sounds quite cynical....but if I have lost the crucifix where I think (I suspect it fell off in my frantic run across the street to catch the tram), then me getting the jewellery back won't be dependant on if I am a good person or not, but if the one who finds it is.

But what is a good person anyway?? I know many won't agree on my opinion on this, but I believe that no one is a good person in their own right. I believe that goodness comes from God and that apart from grace no-one can be truly 'good'. This doesn't mean that people cannot do good deeds (regardless of your religion or faith), but that something which is 100% good comes from God.

I don't know about you, but even when I carry out good deeds, my motivations can be tainted. Even if I think my motives may be unadulterated, often when I reflect back on a situation afterwards I realise that they were not. This is a hard reality to face. I don't like to think that the good things I do for those I love could done out of an impure heart.

I'm so thankful that God is good and that occasionally (and only because of his grace!) I do show his goodness to others.

.climate.

I never thought I'd say this....but I'm sick of winter. Growing up in a tropicalesque climate (on the Gold Coast) I only ever experienced winter for a maximum of 2 months. If I had to wear a jacket, then it was cold. I survived winter without a heater or even an electric blanket.

Currently, I don't leave the house unless I resemble the Incredible Hulk. 1 singlet, 1 long sleeve stop, a business shirt, a knitted vest and a coat usually keep my upper half warm. A pair of stockings under my pants ensure extra warmth. Then there is the accessories....scarves (sometimes two), a beanie and gloves.

Once or twice I've heard that doctors can recommend for those suffering from depression who live in colder climates to move to a warmer location. The chill of winter often forces you inside, not doing much for your social life or your state of mind. It is bizarre that the cooler months can cause something within us to die.

What I do love about winter is that it is always followed by spring. New life. The layers of clothing slowly start to come off, people leave the house, flowers bloom and the sun shines.

No matter what season our lives are in at present, we can be assured that the season will change and that God will bring new life. That he sees us through the seasons and no matter how dark or cold the place we are in seems, that he is light and warmth.

.cher.

Recently I've been waking up with bizarre songs in my head. One such song was Believe by Cher...

*sing it with me now*
'Do you believe in life after love' fa la la la

I don't own a Cher CD, or even have a Cher song hidden somewhere on an ambiguous compilation on my i-pod. I'm guessing I heard this track on the radio, tv or a movie somewhere along the way and its been lying dormant in my memory waiting for a moment to spring up and make me question my taste in music.

While trying to figure out how these lyrics came to be floating around in my mind one morning, I found myself following an interesting tangent.

Jesus calls us to think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy in Philippians 4:8.

But how about what we see and hear? We can think about all the things Jesus tells us to in Phil 4:8, but if we are not seeing or hearing things that are true, noble, right and more - how can we expect ourselves to think about such things?

Our minds, our hearts are precious. In Proverbs 4:23 Solomon urges us to 'Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it'. If all flows from our heart, which is inextricably linked to our minds & thoughts - shouldn't we be careful of what we unconsciously (or consciously) let seep into it when we watch TV, listen to music or are even having conversations???

Our lives as believers in Jesus Christ should be different, not only should we think on whatever is pure, lovely and admirable, but we should also be surrounding ourselves with these things.

.sink gunk.

There are number of things of which I am terrified, a random assortment of these items include:

• ‘Sink Gunk’: unidentified food scraps, which amalgamate and coagulate in the plughole of the common households kitchen sink.
• Sultanas - they ruin otherwise perfectly good food.
• Wearing a skirt and forgetting to wear underwear (Circa grade 3 I was taking the short walk to school and realised it felt a bit drafty. Needless to say, I ran straight home. My father still occasionally refers to me as ‘Knickerless’).
• Reality Television
• My Ipod play list being exposed to the general population. There are some CDs on there that would severely deplete what limited street cred I have.

You may be surprised that reality TV is on this list. Admittedly, I am not terrified of all reality television – just the vast majority. I’m actually terrified of most television shows. Crime dramas come a close second to reality TV in the aforementioned list. If the show is solely referred to by an acronym and involves a greying middle aged man sporting sunglasses in a science lab – I freak. News on the commercial stations almost drives me to distraction, the day the status of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolies relationship was reported on the 6pm news, I began to boycott.

Now, all this being said – there are two reality TV shows I enjoy. These are Beauty and the Geek and Masterchef. I like that Beauty and the Geek challenges the stereotypes we pin on people and how quickly we pigeon hole others. Masterchef appeals to my love of cooking and although George Calombaris’ constant state of melodrama and emphatic arm movements leave me fearing his arm is going to protrude out of the TV and poke my eye out, I am a devoted viewer.

Watching Masterchef the other week I found myself thinking that I didn’t really like one of the contestants. This saddened me. Watching reality television shows, it is so simple to fail to remember that the contestants in these shows are just that – contestants. Unlike the crime dramas and sitcoms that are on our screens that comprise of fictional characters, reality TV is just that – reality. These contestants are not actors playing imaginary roles written by a team of scriptwriters, they are real people.

Obviously, the producers of Masterchef paint certain contestants in a particular light and this can lead us to make judgements or observations about those partaking in the show based on nifty editing techniques. If I was on reality TV, I wonder how I would be portrayed? I know I have positive and negative traits and it would be interesting how the editors of a reality television show would piece my personality together. Would I be a hero, a villain or an underdog? How would the people watching me on television perceive me?

Thinking about reality TV in this light, really alters my perspective. Firstly, how can I sit there and make judgements about others? And secondly, even if for some insane reason, my judgments were founded – how do I know if a person’s character and personality is being truthfully depicted in the first place?

Passing judgement is a terrifying notion and next time, before I criticise the personality of a reality TV contestant, or the way they make a soufflé, I’ll think about how it would be if the tables were turned and look at the areas of my character that need altering and my soufflé making skills.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” Matthew 7:1-5

.tomfoolery.

On April Fools Day last year I got done, stitched up. I had my guard down, I was gullible & yes I got fooled. One of my colleagues played a prank on me. Sitting at my desk completing my daily tasks, I heard the doorbell chime & knowing one of my workmates would answer, I continued tapping away at the keyboard. Then, one of the senior staff members (in both position & age, she is 70) came in & told me there was someone at the door with a bouquet for me. "Flowers! For me?? Oh my....I wasn't expecting this!". Half way down the corridor, I heard the words no one wants to hear on April 1st 'April Fool'. I skulked back to my desk, embarrassed that I had been sucked in & on all days - April Fools Day...

Reflecting on this now, I no longer feel foolish & fearful that Mr T is going to jump out in front of me at an unsuspecting corner, confronting me with his catch cry 'I pity the fool '. Rather, I think about how I had forgotten that it was April Fools Day & that I needed to be on guard. I've been paralleling this to the spiritual....I need to be aware, be on guard that the enemy is trying to bait me, fool me into sin....sending temptation my way to pull me away from God & into a lifestyle that doesn't honour him.

I know that there is an unseen war, an unseen battle waging everyday over me & over you & our eternity. Praise God, that through Jesus we have the power to overcome Satan’s tomfoolery & win the battle, leaving the devil the only fool!

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armour so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armour so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armour of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere”
-Ephesians 6:10-18.

.recycling.

I never used to be interested in recycling. It's not that I didn't care about landfill and the other ramifications of just dumping things in the bin, it just wasn't a priority. Now, I am what one would call a recycling 'convert', I look for every opportunity to save plastic and reuse it, or I make sure I recycle items when I can. I remember when I learnt that certain plastics couldn't be recycled, I actually got quite upset! My conversion to 'recyclablism' can greatly be attributed to the awareness the community around me generates about this issue.

Often I think we aware of the problems and social issues our world is facing, but these concerns don’t take precedence in our lives because they are not a priority. I’ve observed that our priorities are often in alignment with the priorities of those around us. And just as recycling became more of a concern to me as I was around others who were concerned about the state of our planet, I think this can be the same as with any other social or justice issue. So much about our lives is hinged on our attitude. Surrounding ourselves with individuals and groups who have positive attitudes (and in turn, positive priorities) can dramatically impact our lives. The ultimate person we can look to for an attitude adjustment is Jesus and beyond this his family, his community – the body of Christ

buses

My life is dictated by Melbournes Public Transport system. More specifically, I am at the mercy of trams 1, 8, 59, 96 and bus route 508*. Mostly, I catch the 508. That bus is never on time, ever. If the bus were ever to arrive at its scheduled time, I wouldn't know just what to do with myself.

I think that if by some miracle the 508 made its way to my bus stop at its intended time, I’d have an adverse reaction. What that adverse reaction would be, I cannot quite determine. Perhaps my future self would step off the bus and due to the cataclysmic event that would occur, I’d wake up in a DeLorean with Marty McFly and Doc Emmett Brown on the way back to the future.

Despite the 508s inability to arrive on time, there is one thing it always does; it takes the same route every day. And it is BORING. Mind numbingly boring. Gouge my eyes out with my nail file boring. Slowly pull the hairs out of my arm and make myself a moustache for the next time I go incognito boring. Same streets, same stops, same traffic lights, same turns, same, same, same.

Yes, the 508 will get you where you need to go. But it’s the safe trip. I’m sick of the safe, of the same, of the known. I’d much rather take the scenic route – traversing through the city, investigating quaint little shops, soaking in the various cultures, conversing with eccentric characters along my travels. The scenic route takes a lot longer, yes, but imagine how much I’d miss out on if I stuck to the same route all the time. The relationships and life experiences that would pass me by.

The easy route, the expected route, the planned out, step-by-step route. Graduate from high school, go to uni, get the degree, work for a couple of years, climb the corporate ladder, meet and fall in love with Mr. six foot-/cleancut/kahki wearing/tennis playing/hybrid car driving/organic eating/guitar strumming/soulfully crooning/poetry reading/superman, have the fairytale wedding, go on a European honeymoon, work for a few more years, pop out three kids, raise the kids, volunteer with some charities, retire, marry off my kids, travel around Australia in a caravan, spoil the grandkids and pass away an old grey haired lady holding my husbands hand.

I’ve often felt that is the route the world is telling me to take. But lately I’ve realised I don’t want to. Its not that there is anything wrong with this path in life. If that is what you want to do, then do it. Just don’t do something because you feel you have to. Obligation is a dirty word. Well it makes me feel like I need a scalding hot shower with an industrial loofah and a 10 litre bottle of body wash. Of course there are situations in life where responsibility takes precedence and in these moments we need to choose the right attitude and have faith to come out of these seasons on top. But when responsibility results in oppression, perhaps we’re not on the right path…?

When we are living the life, living the route that God has planned for us – we are free. Our anointing is realised and released because we are outworking whom we were created to be. Moving in our strengths and living out our dreams and desires (which when we are seeking him, are Gods dreams and desires) will rarely be boring, every season has its moments, but when we are passionate people, living out the passions instilled within us, dull moments are far and few in between.

I want to be one of those passionate people, I wish I was one of them. You know, ‘them’, one of those ones who never works a day in their life, because they are doing something they adore. However, I’m afraid. I want to pursue what I feel God is telling me, to get off the bus and not to take the expected route. To take the scenic route, but responsibility and obligation creep back up on me. They’re words that make me stick to my seat, afraid to push the ‘next stop’ button, hold me back from jumping off the bus and tearing up my ticket, because I’m never going to take the safe option again.

This is where trust comes in. Knowing that even though I can’t see the scenic route – the plan that is unknown, exciting, mysterious, unfamiliar to the world route, is really what was planned all along and that I have the creator, the mapper of the plan guiding me along. Showing me where to stop, where to turn, where to accelerate and to not let the world tell me which way to go, but to allow him to guide me through the streets.

*when I started writing this, I was a frequenter of public transport. I now have a car, but take the same route to work everyday, because the voice in the GPS told me to.